YOU DON’T DESERVE RIESLING!!!

I'm sorry I began this by shouting at you… It's not your fault, most people have given up on liking Riesling. In the 20th century, Riesling was portrayed as sugar-water (how dare they). Flabby, low in alcohol, and a gratuitous amount of sweetness destined Riesling to have abandonment issues. This is not Riesling today. Riesling expresses a different side of itself depending on where it's grown. In Germany, it tastes incredible. In Alsace, it tastes amazing. In New York State, it’s sick. California?? Dope!!

“Riesling, the wine, seems to have as many personalities as there are places around the world that grow the grape.” -Eric Asimov

Nicely said, Eric. If you read this, I will, without any doubt in my mind, convince you that Riesling is the best grape in the world. We'll go through each region where Riesling is produced, talk a little about how it tastes, and give you a few bottles that you, the reader, can buy for your next party. But also read a book on wine I’m just goofing around.

Australia

G’day boiiiis! Australian Riesling is zippy, electric, high in acidity, bone dry, and it might make you file for divorce. Soil types are highly varied across the Clare Valley and Eden Valley, two of the most well known regions for Riesling in Australia. Red loam and clay are overshadowed by the magnificence of slate found in the most Southern parts of the Clare Valley (Riesling LOVES slate). Cool, breezy nights, coupled with high elevation preserves Riesling's natural acidity. At its best, Australian Riesling tastes like lime candy with tartness reminiscent of a warhead.

I like Australia! It’s like America, but a little different, and that’s cool!

Producers of Note: Grosset, Petaluma, Kilikanoon

The United States of America

The Finger Lakes: In the 1960's, a young, strapping German boy named Dr. Konstantin Frank brought Riesling to upstate New York and things were never the same. Most vineyards lounge along Seneca, Keuka, and Cayuga Lake and these days produce mostly dry Riesling. At their best, these wines are Germanic in style and fermented dry. I went to school in Ithaca and fell in love with Riesling here.

Producers of Note: Hermann J. Wiemer, Ravines, Nathan Kendall

California: Riesling is a bit of a wild card in California. Winemakers in Mendocino, Lake County, even Napa, and farther south near Santa Barbara all produce Riesling. The focus of these wines are often luscious, bright, ripe fruit. Acid preservation is key to the enjoyability of these wines.

Producers of Note: Tatomer, Stony Hill

The Pacific Northwest: If you throw a dart from Burgundy westward, it will eventually hit somewhere in Oregon, Washington, or Canada. Though Riesling is not the main varietal grown in these regions, it can be found in fun AVA's like the Willamette Valley. Like their California cousins, these wines are dry, steely, metallic, tinny, irony, coarse, crude, barbaric, wild, and most of all, linear (you can never forget to say linear when you're trying to sound smart about wine).

Producers of Note: Teutonic

Alsace

It's so sunny here. It's almost fairytale like. Little towns, like Riquewihr, with colored roofs elude to the stupid opening scene from Beauty and the Beast where everyone's shouting. This can be attributed to the Vosges Mountain range to the west blocking precipitation and the Rhine River to the right moderating temperature. It all comes together to form an annoyingly perfect climate.

Wines from Alsace feel French when you drink them. They have an ego, and rightfully so. Trimbach's Clos Ste-Hune, a vineyard site located within the Rosacker Grand Cru, is legendary and very expensive. Alsatian Riesling will usually be dry with some exceptions on the grand cru level.

Producers of Note: Weinbach, Hugel, Trimbach, Zind-Humbrecht

Germany
(The Big Boy)

Okay. This is it. This is the reason I love Riesling. It's German Riesling. It's so good. My hands are shaking right now because I'm jonesing for a glass. Here are just a few of the magnificent Riesling producing regions in Germany:

The Mosel: Riesling can be dangerous and exciting, especially in The Mosel. The climate here is unforgivingly fierce. Vineyards slope so aggressively downwards that producers often look outside of Germany for vineyard workers who are willing to climb unforgiving hillsides. If not for the temperature moderation of the Mosel river and steep, southern facing slopes, grapes would be unable to ripen. Wines here often retain sugar to balance bracing acidity. They make dry wine here which is great, but no region nails wine with residual sugar quite like The Mosel.

Producers of Note: Egon Muller, Zilliken, Max Ferd. Richter, Willi Schaefer, J.J. Prüm, Selbach-Oster

Rheingau/Rheinhessen/Nahe: The Rhein river makes the Mosel river look like a puny, dumb creek. The Rhine is powerful, as are the wines made along it. Southern facing vineyards produce more robust and powerful wines than the Mosel. Similarly exceptional rieslings are produced in the Nahe, a region sandwiched between the Mosel, Rheingau, and Rheinhessen.

Producers of Note: Keller, Leitz, Peter Jakob Kühn, Donnhoff

A Note on Sugar: Debby has a lemonade stand. In a pitcher, Debby mixes lemon juice and water. A man walks up to Debby and buys a glass of her lemonade for a quarter. He takes a sip, immediately spitting it back into his cup and says "this is the worst lemonade I've ever had, there's no sugar in it!" Debby responds, "no, it's a dry style of lemonade." 

Austria

Poor Austria. Burdened with its scandalous past, Austrian wines are often forgotten. So what if a few people added antifreeze to their wine? What's life without a little risk? Fortunately, Austrian Riesling today only contains fermented grapes, hahaha, and make predominately dry Rieslings that stun.

Producers of Note: Knoll, Prager, Martin Muthenthaler, Franz Hirtzberger

In Conclusion!!!

There is no better grape in the world than Riesling. It refuses to be boring. It's sweet, tart, fresh, intense, honeyed, bracing and sexy. It will gently kiss you before slapping you across the face screaming "don't you EVER drink anything but me ever again."